Taking Time For YOU In Your Relationship

Posted on January 20, 2012 by

As I think about my 3 year anniversary that comes tomorrow with my partner Cher, I am brought to many wonderful moments we’ve shared and grown through the years together.

I am drawn into my inner self with a thought, “how do I keep our relationship alive, new, and filled with openness and joy?”

I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels old, empty, and routine.  I want to experience those feelings we shared together in the first weeks and months we met for years to come.  To look at my lover with that curiosity to learn more about her.   Deep in my heart I want to feel those feelings of being excited for the new moments of trying new things together, and even while doing the everyday tasks, continue to maintain a certain aliveness within our day-to-day life.

There is no doubt that with many days being very similar for most people it takes a conscious intention to create that aliveness most people want in their relationship.

So how do we keep it alive, fun, and new?

I just returned from a week-long retreat in California where I spent each day in meditation throughout the day, silence everyday from 9:30pm-9:30am with a group of like-minded people.  Each day I had many moments of walking the mountains paths alone, sitting in my room alone, and thinking about my life.

During many of my meditations and nights alone in my very small bedroom writing in my journal, I was reminded how important and essential it is to take time away from my relationship.   In many silent moments I would hear that deeper voice within me reminding me how important it is to take time to learn about myself and be alone.

This doesn’t have to be an entire week or an extended amount of time, but the importance of consciously taking time to love yourself, to learn about yourself, and to renew your connection with your Spirit is like watering a garden for the plants and vegetables to grow.

The point I want to focus on is “consciously taking time”.  What I’m referring to is not just physically being apart from your partner by going somewhere just to be away from them.  In fact, it really has very little to do with being away from them as it has more to do with being with yourself.  Taking “conscious” time means the thoughts behind the actions are intentional to love yourself.  Taking time to self-reflect, breath, listen to music that moves your spirit, writing in your journal, reading a book that opens your heart, or anything that comes from the intention of being with YOU.

Many people would agree with me that taking time away when your relationship is going through tough times is important, but it is just as important or even more important to take that time to yourself even if your relationship is amazing! Even if every moment is alive with laughter and love, the importance of taking a night to consciously be with YOU is vitally enriching.

I was sharing with Cher, my wife, that having someone in the house living with you makes it so easy to get comfortable being together and not taking the quality time to myself.  I have found myself often instead of being alone just watching tv with her or keeping myself distracted with mundane things.  That feeling of being so comfortable with your partner in everyday life is wonderful, but lets not lose ourself in that.

During my week-long retreat, I hadn’t used my phone or talked with Cher for a week and hadn’t been on the computer to check emails.  I found that by the end I couldn’t wait to share with her all that I had gone through and hear how her time with herself was.

Most of us already know this simple, yet sometimes challenging thing to do for ourselves is so important.  We cannot give to another what we don’t have for ourselves.  Give yourself the time to really BE with YOU and watch how that love spills over into your love for your partner.

Many blessings and bows to your sacred path of being in relationship……with yourself……and your partner.

Posted in Inspirational | 1 Comment

The Power of Asking

Posted on December 29, 2011 by

Recently over this past Christmas weekend I was involved in an experience that changed my life.  On the evening of Christmas Eve my father’s neighbors house was broken into and had many things stolen. Including all of their Christmas gifts for their 3 children, clothes, phones, and jewelry.

When the family rushed over to tell us what had happened our first response was to call the police. Then suddenly, like a bolt of lightning coming out of sky a thought entered my mind.  It was something like, “You need to find a way for the city to be informed about this because there are amazing people out there that would be willing and grateful to help out by donating new toys and gifts for the family to have things to share on Christmas morning.”

I immediately found the phone number to NBC Action News and told them what happened. Within an hour they had a camera and reporter at the scene interviewing me and the family about the story and reaching out to the community for donations and help.

I can’t explain why I felt this way, but I had this deep knowing and faith that many people were going to help this family.  The news station listed my email address on their site and within 30 minutes I had 10 emails from people asking how could they help.

I was up until 2:00am on Christmas Eve receiving donations from people all around the city. Donations included toys for all 3 kids, 3 brand new bikes, hot cocoa maker, cash, gift certificates,  and much more.

Christmas morning we had the family come over to our house to see all that had been donated for them.  They were completely shocked and even moved to tears by the generosity of others to help their family.

This brings me to a point in which I want to encourage you to have more confidence in.  That is, “The Power of Asking“.

As human beings we are naturally looking for ways to help others.  When someone is looking for answers or for help with something, there is always someone or many people out there who are able and willing to help.

This is a skill that I have always been naturally gifted with, but as I have grown in my self-confidence, I have become more willing to ask. Even if I’m asking for someone else!

So often we don’t even think to ask others for help.  It doesn’t even enter the realm of possibility.  For example, you may be looking for change in your career, relationship seeking, financial struggle, looking to purchase something, or a dream you’ve always wanted to fulfill such as travel or buying a home among many possibilities.

The worst thing that can happen when you ask someone is they say, No. What have you lost when someone says, “No, I can’t help you”?

You haven’t lost anything, but in turn you’ve gained clarity on what that person is willing or able to do.  It’s very important not get personally attached to the answer people give you, whether it’s a Yes or No.  If they say No, then thank them for their time or support in other areas they have given you.  NO stands for Next Opportunity.

Go with the flow by being patient and grateful no matter what happens and keep pursuing what it is your seeking.

Some of the most successful people in the World have managed to get where they are because they gained the courage to ASK.

What is it in your life that you want to change?  Can you think of a creative way to inform and ask people what you’re looking for?

Also, notice if when you think of asking someone if the thought that you are being selfish or arrogant.  These thoughts along with other similar thoughts keep you from letting others do what they want most, TO HELP YOU.

Now if your asking for a large amount of money or a big request, then you better have a clear and important reason for that request.  Not to just live more comfortably.  Maybe, for example, you want to use that money to create a charity organization or start a business where the person that gave you the money can have some benefit towards helping you.

An important thing to remember is that our minds are so limited for what is possible for ourselves and this World.   There is nothing too big or too small to ask others for support.

Finally, remember that the universal laws work both ways.  As you practice the power of Asking, don’t forget to look for ways to Give!

It is in giving that we receive. – St. Francis of Assisi

Posted in Inspirational | 2 Comments

Where do You find Inspiration

Posted on December 15, 2011 by

In the blink of an eye life seems to pass by so quickly.  One day after another turns into one year after another.

As the years pass by, doesn’t it seem like time is getting shorter and shorter?     Now days, life is happening so quick that we barely get the chance to take it all in.  Technology is advancing, the environment we live in is faster, and there never seems to be enough time for all our to do’s.

When we get caught in the pattern of feeling like there’s never enough time, we often lose touch with the things that are most important to us.  That is, the feeling of being connected to our closest relationships, our health, spirituality, and personal time to relax and rejuvenate.

So how do we stop the feelings of being overwhelmed by the constant flow of work, to do’s, and busyness of our everyday lives?

The answer comes in a famous phrase, “You cannot resolve a problem at the level in which it was created.”

That means, in order to find the connection to a deeper part of yourself you must change the state of mind your currently have.

Lets lay out some of the common traits in which most people have when we are out of touch.

  • life is FAST
  • anxiety is high
  • tendency to feel frustrated and agitated
  • generally this creates sleep deficiency “lack of sleep”
  • “     “      “    bad eating habits  “not giving the body the proper energy it needs”
  • Rarely/never feeling inspired

The list can go on and on.

When you look at these patterns you can see that they are creating the foundation of an ungrounded and dysfunctional life.

The first step in changing your state of mind is to take time in your day to consciously remind yourself to “SLOW DOWN”

Consciously breathing in and out throughout the day creates an entirely new experience in your mind and body.  In order to feel reconnected to your deeper senses you must create more balance in your body, thoughts, and actions.

Slowing down will be the first and most powerful shift in turning your life around.  It will open you up to gratitude and inspiration.

Taking time for yourself to rejuvenate and renew yourself is vitally important for you, your loved ones, and the people you encounter on a day-to-day basis.  Can you find a way each day to stop all that you’re doing for others and take time to just be with yourself?

I don’t mean take time to frantically run around shopping or DOING things for yourself.  I’m asking, “Can you just BE with yourself?”  Sit alone…..breath…..slow down…..and enjoy the solitude of your own presence?

When I meet with someone who feels overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected in their life, my first focus becomes getting them to slow down.  I do that by giving them a guided meditation to slow their breath and relax their body.  This gets them back in touch with the feeling of self-love and self-value.  Once you slow your breathing and body down you will start to reconnect to a deeper sense within yourself.  This will make you feel the inspiration and  balance to focus more on what matters most in their life.

Where do you find your inspiration?  

 

 

Posted in Inspirational | 2 Comments

What It Means To Be A Man

Posted on November 18, 2010 by

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I often write my blogs when a client I’m working with asks a question or something happens within a session that makes me think about a particular subject in a deeper way.  Recently I was meeting with a client and he asked me, “What do you think it means to be a man?”   Rather than just blurting out what my mind thought a man was I decided to close my eyes, take  a few deep breaths and listen to what it really means to be a man in the 21st century.

Growing up I always thought being a man meant you needed to be rough and tough like John Wayne “The Duke” or the famous animated character “He-man” who was a strong and muscular representation of the “ideal” man.

The Duke

As I thought about what it meant to be a man I suddenly became inspired to write a list of ideas of what it means to be an Evolved Man in the 21st century.  Throughout this blog instead of referring to men as “He-man” I will call him “E-Man“,  standing for an “Evolved Man” or “Enlightened Man”.

Being an E-Man in the 21st century requires guts.  It demands courage, strength, and faith.  Today’s generation of men face a new way of expressing manliness in the world. A way where compassion, service, and love is the leading-edge of being in the World. Whereas 20-30 years ago  men were conditioned to not show their emotions and encouraged to be “the man of the house”. Where as today, times are changing and being a powerful and confident man looks and acts shockingly different in today’s society. To all my E-Men brothers, here’s a boost to be the “REAL” You!

He-man

What it means to be a man:

Integrity: Having integrity means you honor your word and your commitments. How many times did someone give you their business card or they email you and you “forget” to call them or email them back?  Being an Evolved Man means your word is more valuable than anything else.  People can trust in you because of your commitment and your consistency in being there when you say you will or calling them when you say you will.  Integrity is not an act in life,  it is a way of life.  The world needs more E-Men who are willing to stand by their word and honor their commitments.

Being of Service: In today’s world there are more and more people who are impoverished mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Being and E-Man means you are willing to put others before yourself and look for ways on a daily basis in which you can be of service to others.  What separates an E-Man from people who call themselves men is the fact that they are self-motivated to create happiness and joy in the lives of others and not self-centered only in thinking about how they will grow and succeed.  In today’s world we are learning that it’s not only possible, but necessary for E-Men to be successful in their personal goals and career well as the goals of others around him.  It’s time to lay down the “I need to get mine” mentality and look for ways to share our time and talents for the happiness and comfort of those around us.

Emotional: In order to be an E-Man it means you are willing to show your true feelings with others.  In doing this you are creating a new level of honesty, authenticity, and power for the next generation of E-Men.  In the John Wayne era we were taught to bite our feelings, stuff them down, and get over it.  Those days are over.  Holding our emotions in only creates resistance in the flow of our energy which causes a lack of flow in our creativity, abundance, and drive for life. This way of the ego has met its last day for those ready to embark on a powerful journey of being a real man. It’s time for E-Men to be willing to show his sensitivity, passion, and true feelings in front of others. Even when we wouldn’t expect it to happen!  There is tremendous power in revealing your true emotions.  Doors are opened to create a greater connection and a feeling of true community within humanity.

Visionary: Are you daring to dream where no man has ever dreamed before? Are you holding a possibility for humanity to move beyond fear and into a greater possibility?  Being an E-Man means you are  fearless to dream and go after your dreams and not let the world around you constraint your imagination in living from your inspired genius. The world is only growing smaller and the E-Man carries a vision that is so unique and inspiring that he is willing to face the criticism and doubt of others and keep moving forward in his belief in its being a reality.

Faith: Let go of the idea that you are in control of everything that happens in your life and Trust in the Love of God to be your guiding compass in this World.  The E-Man is a walking modern mystic in today’s World by continuing to use his mind and intellect to believe and keep moving forward, yet realizing that there is a power greater than he moving through him bringing his vision and the world together through him in a powerful way.  The E-Man is consistent with his daily spiritual practice. He does not let anything remove him from his daily spiritual practice which keeps his heart open and the possibility of being a conduit for powerful change to occur through him.  He continues to seek growth and recognizes his areas of improvement without carrying guilt about it or he is committed to removing the guilt through his spiritual practice. The E-Man understands that he is merely passing through this world using a temporary body to create a deeper expression of God on this planet through Unconditional Love.

Sense of Humor: One of the biggest differences in what it means to be a man in today’s times verses in the John Wayne era is having a lightness about you and being able to laugh and make others laugh around you.  Through laughter the E-Man shows his confidence in life and his ability to Trust and go with the flow.  When you find yourself heavy and serious you have lost touch with your true self.  Create a way each day to laugh and make others laugh which expands a lightness for those around you.

It’s a big role to be an E-Man in today’s times.  We need more men that are willing to step up and not worry about what others think of them and confidently spark a new era of what it means to be a man.  I am incredibly grateful to my client who gave me the inspiration to think of this and give me the food for thought to continue to grow into a man in the 21st century Enlightened Man.  This is only a foundation of being an E-Man. There are many more ways to add onto what it means to be a man in today’s world.

I send my blessings to all my E-brothers and E-sisters who are passionately living out their dream to make this world a greater expression of Love.

If you are ready to take your Life to the next level and create the passion needed to walk your talk in the world, send me an email with a brief statement about yourself and why your ready to make the change.

Posted in Inspirational | 8 Comments

It’s Time to Forgive…but how?

Posted on October 27, 2010 by

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Does your mind keep thinking about the person or people who did you wrong? Who treated you unfairly or just outright hurt you? It’s natural for you to want to stop thinking about them altogether, but you probably can’t seem to get them out of your head and get over how angry you are.

Forgiveness always seemed confusing and difficult for me. My purpose for writing this is to make forgiveness understandable and simple for you and to offer you a way to let go of any stuck emotional energy that’s holding you down from being the “total you”. In this I’ll give you a simple and powerful exercise that will lighten your mind and return you to the state of happiness that you want… but first you need to stop and be aware of why this is really going on within you. What is the deeper meaning of this pain?

Forgiveness is a choice we make to let go of the past so that we can love ourselves in the Now.  Growing up, I would always hear the pastor at my church say, “Forgive your brother and sister to be free of your suffering”, and I would think, “Easy for you to say buddy!” I later realized that the power in forgiveness is to first understand we actually attracted the painful experience to help us see where we believe we’re separate from God. The second is to “get” that the act of forgiveness doesn’t need to happen with the person who hurt you. You can forgive them and yourself in the solitude of your heart.

I often thought that it must be extremely difficult for someone who has experienced rape, abuse, or a traumatic experience to just forgive the other person. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that forgiveness is not always a one shot deal. Imagine forgiveness comes in slices like a pizza. Each time the pain comes up, you go within and forgive that person and yourself, however much you can in that moment. By doing this you take a slice of that pain away, like a taking one slice of pizza away. If, later on, the pain comes back… realize that there’s another slice left and release all that you can in that moment.  I’ve written about my recent personal transformation with forgiveness and I think you’ll find this idea to be helpful and supportive in release any pain you’re feeling.

Buckle up and join me on my inner adventure of “Forgiveness to Freedom“.

Recently I decided that what I really wanted was to be positive and outgoing with an optimistic view towards my daily life, but everyday my mind would reflect back to a few people who I was angry with. All I wanted was to just forget about them and never think about or speak to them again. Yet every day they would come up in my mind! I would constantly see them on facebook as my “top friends” and then I started having negative dreams about these people while I was sleeping. Can you relate?

When I reached out to my support group they told me I need to forgive the people I was angry with and notice what this is revealing about me. I thought to myself, “It’s easy to say we need to forgive, but how do I really know I have forgiven that person? How do I really forgive that person and let go of my anger? What does forgiveness look like as a spiritual practice?”

After a few treacherous months of “sinking thinking” and holding on to my inner battles, I finally had an experience that helped me make the shift within myself and let go of my hurt and suffering.

I was working with a client when it became obvious that she was holding onto a great deal of pain that she felt was caused by another person. By holding onto this pain she was unable to create room within her mind to create new ideas for her life. After I guided her through a releasing exercise I stopped and thought to myself, “Wow, this is exactly what I need myself!” Give it a try and follow these steps with me for freedom from your pain.

The Day of Self-Guided Forgiveness To Freedom

I took some time to myself to sit and breathe. I asked myself out loud, “Is there anyone in my life right now that I feel hurt, angry, or burdened by? If so, identify this person.”

When a person came to my mind I spoke their name out loud. Then, I imagined myself in a healing tunnel where I was standing in front of them… looking into their eyes and them looking back at me.

I said out loud, “I begin to share my feelings with this person. I feel hurt!” (Share with them as fully and honestly as you can and let it last as long as necessary.)

I shared all my anger and pain with this person and then said out loud, “Now take a deep breath in and allow this person to share back with you their Truth as to why they did what they did, fully listening with an open heart as they share.”

As I allowed this dialog to happen within my mind I suddenly realized that this person reacted and did what they did because of the hurt and pain they are going through. At that point, I began to feel compassion and understanding. I recognized this person didn’t intentionally try to hurt me, even though it felt like it in the moment… they were reacting out of their own pain. I was able to forgive this person and give them a hug. (This is all happening within my/your own thoughts.)

I said goodbye to that person and then imagined myself standing in the healing tunnel by myself again. Then, saying out loud, “Is there anyone else in the recent past that I’m holding anger, resentment, or bitterness towards?” Immediately another person came to mind and I invited that person to stand in front of me in the tunnel, looking into each other’s eyes.

This time, as I began to share all my thoughts and feelings with this person, I burst into anger. I shared with them how pissed-off and disrespected I felt and I said things like, “How dare you say what you said to me!” Once I got everything out I then said aloud, “Now, I will fully listen as the person standing with me shares their Truth.” I listened as fully and honestly as I could.

I immediately heard from this person a rant of cursing and anger that he had for me. I kept breathing and listening to all of it, since he had plenty to say. Finally, as he finished, I realized that I was committed to forgiving this person. In that moment I said, “Are you willing to now share our hurt and anger to each other and make it only about us?”

I started sharing why some of the things he said hurt so much and how they related with things that happened to me as a child. As I was sharing I started crying and feeling the pain that I was holding onto from an early age, from my past. Once I finished, there was a different tone in his voice. He started sharing how he never felt good enough because of things that happened in his childhood, and when I reacted a certain way it brought up something that he hadn’t healed from his past. I looked at him in the tunnel and gave him a big hug. I thanked him for participating and I released him and the pain out of my mind. And, I realized that it wasn’t his Truth that did me wrong, it was his own unconscious personal pain playing out. I also recognized that my reaction revealed a personal pain that I was holding onto.

This was my personal journey… I feel that it’s worth sharing with you. I hope this has given you a format to experience forgiveness in your own spiritual practice. Take this practice into your own daily life and be gentle with yourself as you begin to let go of any pain or resentment your holding within. If you feel that you need guidance in letting go of your pain, then speak with someone who you trust… someone who is skilled in holding that space of deep emotional release with you.

Be well…be inspired…be free

Does your mind keep thinking about the person or people who did you wrong? Who treated you unfairly or just outright hurt you? It’s natural for you to want to stop thinking about them altogether, but you probably can’t seem to get them out of your head and get over how angry you are.

Forgiveness always seemed confusing and difficult for me. My purpose for writing this is to make forgiveness understandable and simple for you and to offer you a way to let go of any stuck emotional energy that’s holding you down from being the “total you”. In this I’ll give you a simple and powerful exercise that will lighten your mind and return you to the state of happiness that you want… but first you need to stop and be aware of why this is really going on within you. What is the deeper meaning of this pain?

Forgiveness is a choice we make to let go of the past so that we can love ourselves in the Now.  Growing up, I would always hear the pastor at my church say, “Forgive your brother and sister to be free of your suffering”, and I would think, “Easy for you to say buddy!” I later realized that the power in forgiveness is to first understand we actually attracted the painful experience to help us see where we believe we’re separate from God. The second is to “get” that the act of forgiveness doesn’t need to happen with the person who hurt you. You can forgive them and yourself in the solitude of your heart.

I often thought that it must be extremely difficult for someone who has experienced rape, abuse, or a traumatic experience to just forgive the other person. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that forgiveness is not always a one shot deal. Imagine forgiveness comes in slices like a pizza. Each time the pain comes up, you go within and forgive that person and yourself, however much you can in that moment. By doing this you take a slice of that pain away, like a taking one slice of pizza away. If, later on, the pain comes back… realize that there’s another slice left and release all that you can in that moment.  I’ve written about my recent personal transformation with forgiveness and I think you’ll find this idea to be helpful and supportive in release any pain you’re feeling.

Buckle up and join me on my inner adventure of “Forgiveness to Freedom“.

Recently I decided that what I really wanted was to be positive and outgoing with an optimistic view towards my daily life, but everyday my mind would reflect back to a few people who I was angry with. All I wanted was to just forget about them and never think about or speak to them again. Yet every day they would come up in my mind! I would constantly see them on facebook and then I started having negative dreams about these people while I was sleeping. Can you relate?

When I reached out to my support group they told me I need to forgive the people I was angry with and notice what this is revealing about me. I thought to myself, “It’s easy to say we need to forgive, but how do I really know I have forgiven that person? How do I really forgive that person and let go of my anger? What does forgiveness look like as a spiritual practice?”

After a few treacherous months of “sinking thinking” and holding on to my inner battles, I finally had an experience that helped me make the shift within myself and let go of my hurt and suffering.

I was working with a client when it became obvious that she was holding onto a great deal of pain that she felt was caused by another person. By holding onto this pain she was unable to create room within her mind to create new ideas for her life. After I guided her through a releasing exercise I stopped and thought to myself, “Wow, this is exactly what I need myself!” Give it a try and follow these steps with me for freedom from your pain.

The Day of Self-Guided Forgiveness To Freedom

I took some time to myself to sit and breathe. I asked myself out loud, “Is there anyone in my life right now that I feel hurt, angry, or burdened by? If so, identify this person.”

When a person came to my mind I spoke their name out loud. Then, I imagined myself in a healing tunnel where I was standing in front of them… looking into their eyes and them looking back at me.

I said out loud, “I begin to share my feelings with this person. I feel hurt!” (Share with them as fully and honestly as you can and let it last as long as necessary.)

I shared all my anger and pain with this person and then said out loud, “Now take a deep breath in and allow this person to share back with you their Truth as to why they did what they did, fully listening with an open heart as they share.”

As I allowed this dialog to happen within my mind I suddenly realized that this person reacted and did what they did because of the hurt and pain they are going through. At that point, I began to feel compassion and understanding. I recognized this person didn’t intentionally try to hurt me, even though it felt like it in the moment… they were reacting out of their own pain. I was able to forgive this person and give them a hug. (This is all happening within my/your own thoughts.)

I said goodbye to that person and then imagined myself standing in the healing tunnel by myself again. Then, saying out loud, “Is there anyone else in the recent past that I’m holding anger, resentment, or bitterness towards?” Immediately another person came to mind and I invited that person to stand in front of me in the tunnel, looking into each other’s eyes.

This time, as I began to share all my thoughts and feelings with this person, I burst into anger. I shared with them how pissed-off and disrespected I felt and I said things like, “How dare you say what you said to me!” Once I got everything out I then said aloud, “Now, I will fully listen as the person standing with me shares their Truth.” I listened as fully and honestly as I could.

I immediately heard from this person a rant of cursing and anger that he had for me. I kept breathing and listening to all of it, since he had plenty to say. Finally, as he finished, I realized that I was committed to forgiving this person. In that moment I said, “Are you willing to now share our hurt and anger to each other and make it only about us?”

I started sharing why some of the things he said hurt so much and how they related with things that happened to me as a child. As I was sharing I started crying and feeling the pain that I was holding onto from an early age, from my past. Once I finished, there was a different tone in his voice. He started sharing how he never felt good enough because of things that happened in his childhood, and when I reacted a certain way it brought up something that he hadn’t healed from his past. I looked at him in the tunnel and gave him a big hug. I thanked him for participating and I released him and the pain out of my mind. And, I realized that it wasn’t his Truth that did me wrong, it was his own unconscious personal pain playing out. I also recognized that my reaction revealed a personal pain that I was holding onto.

This was my personal journey… I feel that it’s worth sharing with you. I hope this has given you a format to experience forgiveness in your own spiritual practice. Take this practice into your own daily life and be gentle with yourself as you begin to let go of any pain or resentment your holding within. If you feel that you need guidance in letting go of your pain, then speak with someone who you trust… someone who is skilled in holding that space of deep emotional release with you.

Be well…be inspired…be free

Does your mind keep thinking about the person or people who did you wrong? Who treated you unfairly or just outright hurt you? It’s natural for you to want to stop thinking about them altogether, but you probably can’t seem to get them out of your head and get over how angry you are.

Forgiveness always seemed confusing and difficult for me. My purpose for writing this is to make forgiveness understandable and simple for you and to offer you a way to let go of any stuck emotional energy that’s holding you down from being the “total you”. In this I’ll give you a simple and powerful exercise that will lighten your mind and return you to the state of happiness that you want… but first you need to stop and be aware of why this is really going on within you. What is the deeper meaning of this pain?

Forgiveness is a choice we make to let go of the past so that we can love ourselves in the Now.  Growing up, I would always hear the pastor at my church say, “Forgive your brother and sister to be free of your suffering”, and I would think, “Easy for you to say buddy!” I later realized that the power in forgiveness is to first understand we actually attracted the painful experience to help us see where we believe we’re separate from God. The second is to “get” that the act of forgiveness doesn’t need to happen with the person who hurt you. You can forgive them and yourself in the solitude of your heart.

I often thought that it must be extremely difficult for someone who has experienced rape, abuse, or a traumatic experience to just forgive the other person. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that forgiveness is not always a one shot deal. Imagine forgiveness comes in slices like a pizza. Each time the pain comes up, you go within and forgive that person and yourself, however much you can in that moment. By doing this you take a slice of that pain away, like a taking one slice of pizza away. If, later on, the pain comes back… realize that there’s another slice left and release all that you can in that moment.  I’ve written about my recent personal transformation with forgiveness and I think you’ll find this idea to be helpful and supportive in release any pain you’re feeling.

Buckle up and join me on my inner adventure of “Forgiveness to Freedom“.

Recently I decided that what I really wanted was to be positive and outgoing with an optimistic view towards my daily life, but everyday my mind would reflect back to a few people who I was angry with. All I wanted was to just forget about them and never think about or speak to them again. Yet every day they would come up in my mind! I would constantly see them on facebook and then I started having negative dreams about these people while I was sleeping. Can you relate?

When I reached out to my support group they told me I need to forgive the people I was angry with and notice what this is revealing about me. I thought to myself, “It’s easy to say we need to forgive, but how do I really know I have forgiven that person? How do I really forgive that person and let go of my anger? What does forgiveness look like as a spiritual practice?”

After a few treacherous months of “sinking thinking” and holding on to my inner battles, I finally had an experience that helped me make the shift within myself and let go of my hurt and suffering.

I was working with a client when it became obvious that she was holding onto a great deal of pain that she felt was caused by another person. By holding onto this pain she was unable to create room within her mind to create new ideas for her life. After I guided her through a releasing exercise I stopped and thought to myself, “Wow, this is exactly what I need myself!” Give it a try and follow these steps with me for freedom from your pain.

The Day of Self-Guided Forgiveness To Freedom

I took some time to myself to sit and breathe. I asked myself out loud, “Is there anyone in my life right now that I feel hurt, angry, or burdened by? If so, identify this person.”

When a person came to my mind I spoke their name out loud. Then, I imagined myself in a healing tunnel where I was standing in front of them… looking into their eyes and them looking back at me.

I said out loud, “I begin to share my feelings with this person. I feel hurt!” (Share with them as fully and honestly as you can and let it last as long as necessary.)

I shared all my anger and pain with this person and then said out loud, “Now take a deep breath in and allow this person to share back with you their Truth as to why they did what they did, fully listening with an open heart as they share.”

As I allowed this dialog to happen within my mind I suddenly realized that this person reacted and did what they did because of the hurt and pain they are going through. At that point, I began to feel compassion and understanding. I recognized this person didn’t intentionally try to hurt me, even though it felt like it in the moment… they were reacting out of their own pain. I was able to forgive this person and give them a hug. (This is all happening within my/your own thoughts.)

I said goodbye to that person and then imagined myself standing in the healing tunnel by myself again. Then, saying out loud, “Is there anyone else in the recent past that I’m holding anger, resentment, or bitterness towards?” Immediately another person came to mind and I invited that person to stand in front of me in the tunnel, looking into each other’s eyes.

This time, as I began to share all my thoughts and feelings with this person, I burst into anger. I shared with them how pissed-off and disrespected I felt and I said things like, “How dare you say what you said to me!” Once I got everything out I then said aloud, “Now, I will fully listen as the person standing with me shares their Truth.” I listened as fully and honestly as I could.

I immediately heard from this person a rant of cursing and anger that he had for me. I kept breathing and listening to all of it, since he had plenty to say. Finally, as he finished, I realized that I was committed to forgiving this person. In that moment I said, “Are you willing to now share our hurt and anger to each other and make it only about us?”

I started sharing why some of the things he said hurt so much and how they related with things that happened to me as a child. As I was sharing I started crying and feeling the pain that I was holding onto from an early age, from my past. Once I finished, there was a different tone in his voice. He started sharing how he never felt good enough because of things that happened in his childhood, and when I reacted a certain way it brought up something that he hadn’t healed from his past. I looked at him in the tunnel and gave him a big hug. I thanked him for participating and I released him and the pain out of my mind. And, I realized that it wasn’t his Truth that did me wrong, it was his own unconscious personal pain playing out. I also recognized that my reaction revealed a personal pain that I was holding onto.

This was my personal journey… I feel that it’s worth sharing with you. I hope this has given you a format to experience forgiveness in your own spiritual practice. Take this practice into your own daily life and be gentle with yourself as you begin to let go of any pain or resentment your holding within. If you feel that you need guidance in letting go of your pain, then speak with someone who you trust… someone who is skilled in holding that space of deep emotional release with you.

Be well…be inspired…be free

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Fuel For A Creative and Balanced Life

Posted on September 20, 2010 by

What is it that you do that makes you feel connected?
Today I’m writing about the idea of sticking to what makes us feel connected, free, and balanced.

Have you ever noticed that life can get so busy that you forget about doing the small things that make you feel so good? Often times I can get so caught up in the to do’s of life that I forget about the things that anchor me and create happiness within my life.  For me, if I take some time each day to meditate or go out to visit new places and meet new people where I am in a totally new environment then I feel connected and on the cutting edge of life. I’ve even discovered lately that when I put on my running shoes and listen to Wayne Dyer as I run that it also sparks that same feeling of happiness, freedom, and confidence throughout my day.

As soon as I start feeling discouraged or disconnected with my life I quickly realize that I have stopped being consistent with these small daily practices that make me feel so alive.

Now, even if I did those things everyday, I’m still going to face challenging times, but my willingness to stick with what works for me, even through those challenging times lightens me up to see the green grass on the other side of the fence. Or in real life language, generates feelings of confidence and stability to keep you moving into more successful growth.

I’m sure your thinking right now about the things you do that make you feel so alive. Is it playing an instrument, journaling, designing something, listening to music, exercising, or something else?  The key is finding what you know instantly connects you to feeling free and light and then making it an everyday routine.

You make eating an absolute must everyday right? Because your body needs the food and you crave the delicious tastes. Well, just as your body needs food, so does your soul need the time and habits that fuel it to be more in a peaceful, loving state. You can achieve anything you put your mind to if you stay the course of what drives your inner happiness and joy.

Make a dedication to yourself.  Write down a few things (1-3) that you absolutely know gives you the feeling of peace and happiness and then sculpt your daily schedule around these things.  Don’t let yourself slip, cause the moment you start making excuses is the moment 1 day turns in to 1 week, and then 1 week turns into 1 month, and so on and so on.

Designing your life around these few, but powerful habits will align your energy to be more receptive to financial wealth, your ideal relationships, and better health. It will also keep your mind more clear so that you can learn more and live a more balanced life. You are the only person that can truly know what ignites you into a state of joy and happiness.

There will always be something in your life that isn’t ideal, whether it be you personally or a loved one going through a rough time. Don’t let your challenges stop you from doing these habits. Remind yourself that each day you practice the few things that make your heart sing you are becoming a better YOU.

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The Power Within You

Posted on July 27, 2010 by

Click Now to Listen “The Power Within You”

Has anyone ever said to you in the morning before you’ve gone outside, “isn’t it a beautiful day?”, and your first thought was, “I haven’t even seen what the weather is like outside yet?

When we rely on our outside circumstances to sway our mood like, “It’s rainy and cold outside, it’s going to be a crappy day.” Or, “I’m angry because I haven’t sold anything at my job this week.” Or what about, “My co-worker is driving me crazy, I can’t ever seem to do anything right.”

Now is the time to make the biggest shift in your life. I’m talking about a shift that begins from within you. I’m not talking about getting all your debt paid, or making the relationships that are now struggling better, or even excelling at your work place.  I’m not even talking about improving anything in your outside life.

The Power to change your life and experience freedom begins within you!  Once you focus on what’s going on within you, the outside aligns itself as a mirror of your internal state. Imagine your thoughts inside your mind represent the ocean. Would you say you have a peaceful wave of thoughts or a hurricane of disastrous thoughts?
If you created this internal shift how would that impact your life?

Your Body: If you are constantly judging yourself about how your body looks and letting your physical appearance determine whether you are happy or sad then it’s time to choose new thoughts.  Every time you have a negative or limited thought about your body, your energy moves slower and slower causing you to feel stuck and unhappy.  Imagine if your energy is moving so slow, how your digestive system is breaking down your foods?  Pretty slow right?.  It’s not about the calories you consume or how much you exercise. It’s about realigning your thoughts to a higher vibration.  Some examples of higher vibrations are living Peaceful, Loving, Free, Happy, and Compassionate thoughts. Choosing one of these thoughts will automatically line your health and physical body to the way you desire, bringing your physical and emotional desires into perfect harmony.

Your Career: Most people think there is always something else they need before they can be happy. They just don’t have enough yet, but IF they keep working towards their goal, THEN they will soon feel happy.  This is a race to destruction.  If you catch yourself thinking like this, stop!  The ego will constantly tell us there is never enough or we need just a little more before we can be free, happy, or at peace.  Once you realize you have everything you need already to be free, joyful, and loving then you can stop your mind games that plays tricks on you.  Take a moment to breathe and simply recognize that you’re perfect just the way you are right now.  There is nothing else you need in this moment to feel happy, love, and peaceful.  You can choose to live in that state and once you do, then all your desires flow effortlessly into your life.  It’s the biggest paradox we live in. Once we finally let go, it (whatever IT is) finally arrives.

Your Relationships: Whether your heart might be broken, lonely, or angry, right now is the time to release those thoughts.  Choose to soften the grip you have around these thoughts and take a deep breath in.  The life you want awaits you if you can choose today to let go of any thoughts that no longer serve your highest good and with courage and conviction choose to be in a state of peace.  The right people are awaiting you to choose a new reality so that you can be your most natural self and have a great day together!

Today, right now, make an affirmation to yourself that creates more peace and joy in this moment. Affirm to yourself, “I am perfect right now with the way I am.”  “I am free to laugh, love, and be my true self today.”

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