Taking Time For YOU In Your Relationship

As I think about my 3 year anniversary that comes tomorrow with my partner Cher, I am brought to many wonderful moments we’ve shared and grown through the years together.

I am drawn into my inner self with a thought, “how do I keep our relationship alive, new, and filled with openness and joy?”

I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels old, empty, and routine.  I want to experience those feelings we shared together in the first weeks and months we met for years to come.  To look at my lover with that curiosity to learn more about her.   Deep in my heart I want to feel those feelings of being excited for the new moments of trying new things together, and even while doing the everyday tasks, continue to maintain a certain aliveness within our day-to-day life.

There is no doubt that with many days being very similar for most people it takes a conscious intention to create that aliveness most people want in their relationship.

So how do we keep it alive, fun, and new?

I just returned from a week-long retreat in California where I spent each day in meditation throughout the day, silence everyday from 9:30pm-9:30am with a group of like-minded people.  Each day I had many moments of walking the mountains paths alone, sitting in my room alone, and thinking about my life.

During many of my meditations and nights alone in my very small bedroom writing in my journal, I was reminded how important and essential it is to take time away from my relationship.   In many silent moments I would hear that deeper voice within me reminding me how important it is to take time to learn about myself and be alone.

This doesn’t have to be an entire week or an extended amount of time, but the importance of consciously taking time to love yourself, to learn about yourself, and to renew your connection with your Spirit is like watering a garden for the plants and vegetables to grow.

The point I want to focus on is “consciously taking time”.  What I’m referring to is not just physically being apart from your partner by going somewhere just to be away from them.  In fact, it really has very little to do with being away from them as it has more to do with being with yourself.  Taking “conscious” time means the thoughts behind the actions are intentional to love yourself.  Taking time to self-reflect, breath, listen to music that moves your spirit, writing in your journal, reading a book that opens your heart, or anything that comes from the intention of being with YOU.

Many people would agree with me that taking time away when your relationship is going through tough times is important, but it is just as important or even more important to take that time to yourself even if your relationship is amazing! Even if every moment is alive with laughter and love, the importance of taking a night to consciously be with YOU is vitally enriching.

I was sharing with Cher, my wife, that having someone in the house living with you makes it so easy to get comfortable being together and not taking the quality time to myself.  I have found myself often instead of being alone just watching tv with her or keeping myself distracted with mundane things.  That feeling of being so comfortable with your partner in everyday life is wonderful, but lets not lose ourself in that.

During my week-long retreat, I hadn’t used my phone or talked with Cher for a week and hadn’t been on the computer to check emails.  I found that by the end I couldn’t wait to share with her all that I had gone through and hear how her time with herself was.

Most of us already know this simple, yet sometimes challenging thing to do for ourselves is so important.  We cannot give to another what we don’t have for ourselves.  Give yourself the time to really BE with YOU and watch how that love spills over into your love for your partner.

Many blessings and bows to your sacred path of being in relationship……with yourself……and your partner.